First OB appointment

After 3.5 years of waiting and praying, we had our very first regular OB appointment. I can't tell you how many times I have driven by this office, or gone in for routine visits, with the ache in my heart, asking, "when will I be here as a mommy-to-be?" Today...our time had finally come.

I wish I could go on to tell you that we went into this appointment with joy and excitement, but that would not be accurate. Instead, both of us were a little nervous, anxious, and cautiously optimistic. How could we not feel those emotions? After all, we went into our ultrasound 1 week ago today, without a care in the world, and left with a huge hole in our hearts. Who is to say, that couldn't happen again?? This quote by C.S. Lewis says it best:

"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we're wondering how painful His best will turn out to be."

The Lord has not promised us a life free from suffering, in fact, He told us we would have trials of many kinds. Baby B is a gift from the Lord, period. We didn't earn this child and we certainly cannot keep it's heart beating. We are completely reliant on the Lord for Baby B's health and our strength.

Here is the good news, though~Baby B is doing well, Praise the Lord! B's growth is right on track and it's heart rate was strong, too, at 166 bpm. Each week is a huge victory, especially during this 1st trimester! My OB wants to see me back in 2 weeks to measure growth and if everything looks good at that appt., we will likely be in a much safer zone.

Some of you have asked what happens to Baby A and no one is entirely sure what will happen, but here's what we hope will happen. Right now Baby A is still inside and looks the same. Over the next 4-8 weeks, my doctor said my body should start to absorb little A. As Baby B grows, little A will get pushed out of the way. I may leak some fluid, but I hopefully will not pass anything substantial. The problem is that my body may recognize Baby A as a foreign object and try to get rid of it by passing it. It's not common, but if it does happen, Baby B may not survive, either, which would be awful.

As for me, I'm still spotting (UGH!) and because of this and the other loss, my doctor has charted this as a high risk pregnancy with a threatened miscarriage. So, the next 2 weeks are pretty important for Baby B to GROW and for my spotting to either DISAPPEAR (Please!) or keep to a minimum. My uterus needs to stay as calm as possible, so Baby B stays put. I don't know anyone else capable of making sure these things happen other than our awesome God, who is the ultimate physician! Nothing is impossible with God...nothing, nothing, nothing!!!

If God lays us on your heart, will you please pray for us? Little B needs our prayer support! This one is a fighter, but an army of prayer warriors will surely keep lil' B and us strong! We're asking God to increase our faith as we wait on Him for miracles He alone can provide.

10 weeks, 4 days taken on our Mac with photo booth :)

I have got to get Paul to take some decent photos soon!

With much love,

Paul, Gretchen, & Baby B